There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
