Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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