Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
