i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
