That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
