No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
