Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
