i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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