the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so let's talk penis.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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