first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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