Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
