Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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