4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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