I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
