Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
