he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
