i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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