You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
