I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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