The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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