Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
