I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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