It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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