Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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