come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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