oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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