the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
