you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
