walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
