So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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