he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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