Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
