i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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