she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize