I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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