i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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