Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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