Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
