So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
