Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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