worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
