Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
