All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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