On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
