i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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