I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize