i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
