ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
