Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
