Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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