i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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