absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
