if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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