If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
