I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she told me i tasted like america
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
