You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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