If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
