oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
