My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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