All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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