the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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