I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
