I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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