and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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