Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
