the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
