sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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