I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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