no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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