dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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