I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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