new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
