well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
