I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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