The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
