I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
