I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is my gift to your gina
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
