and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
