Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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