YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
