I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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