so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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