OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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