The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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