some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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