Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
