I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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