Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize